I met Paddy in a department store; they called me the “black and white kitten puppet” hah! - he give me to Amanda as a stupid romantic gift! Soon they find out I am Luss, the cat-father of a great mob dynasty, and all other animals, my family, and my enemies, they respect me, or I mess with them! If you mess with my friends, I mess with you! And you don’t wanna me to mess with you!!

Read these pet hates with care, or miaoAOAaaoOOOWWW!!!!

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1. Noisy eaters - they sound worse than when I wash my bottom!
2. The phrase “This, that and the other”. What does it mean…?!
3. People talking on their mobiles or singing in public toilets; it’s somewhat disconcerting!
4. When people say “Yeahyeahyeah” and give the impression that they’re not listening.
5. People who say “I owe you a drink” but never buy me one.
6. People with no empathy, who would get really annoyed with me if I did what they’re doing.
7. Having to tell people that you don’t really like them.
8. The throw-away consumer culture.
9. Bombs
10. When people spell “lose” as “loose”.
11. Journalists mis-using the word “rhetoric”, using it to mean “words” rather than its true meaning of “language that is elaborate, pretentious, insincere, or intellectually vacuous”.
12. People who have expensive things that they don’t use or don’t appreciate.
13. Those giant four-wheel-drive Sports Utility Vehicles that middle-class women drive their kids to school in. I know they’re not much worse than any other kind of car, but I hate the whole idea of them and their pure show-offyness and large size.
14. The word “kit”. It’s fine for “football kit” or “kit car” or “Airfix kit”, but not to describe my guitar/computer/keyboard. I don’t know why, but I cringe when people say “that’s a nice bit of kit”: it’s just so macho and military - like, “I don’t know what it is but it looks sexy.”
15. Long lines of cars with one person in them, especially when they’re doing short journeys.
16. “Shock” headlines which lead people to the wrong conclusion unless they take the trouble to read the detail.
17. People who say “At this moment in time” or, worse, “at this particular moment in time” instead of “now” or “at the moment” probably can’t be trusted.
18. Muscular youths kicking rugby balls high in the air over my head while I’m trying to enjoy a bottle of cider in the park.
19. People who are less talented than me but more successful.
20. Dirty beards.
21. Paddy’s bad grammar.